Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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