My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
