He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
