bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
