Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
