i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As shirtless as possible
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
