its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
