The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
