I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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