So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
