My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize