Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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