he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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