so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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