Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
