does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
