Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
