remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize