I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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