some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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