Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
