I think my fart just growled at me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
