Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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