The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
