Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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