I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
