he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize