u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
