I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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