Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
