Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
