He kissed a someone with a penis
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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