votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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