i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
