I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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