So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
