I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
