Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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