i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
