so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
