Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize