Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
