she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My vagina just recognized that song.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
