I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize