There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is the high leading the old right now
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
