Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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