My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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