doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize