During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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