I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
