Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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