My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
