i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
