I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did i walk over a car last night?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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