Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sext me about skeletons
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
