My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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