If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
