in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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