that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
