I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
