she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize