I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
