I am puke
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pop tarts are not kleenex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
