Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize