i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
