A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
