Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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