you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
