So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
