The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
