so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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