piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
