Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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