I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
