We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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