when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
