I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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