Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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