ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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