piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
