Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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