My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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